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Need a Crutch?

Walking With the Bakers


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Now I get It...

Written by Roger Baker.


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Okay, now I get why chemo plus radiation together is a dramatic turn in movies amd dramas. It's fairly dramatic in real life, too.

To put it gently, while I am on the last long week of chemo plus radiology, this hasn't been  fun. Tolerable, sure. But like all long-term treatments, this gets old. Okay, I am complaining, I know, but this is the onnly place other than in front of Sue that I can do this, and she doesn't deserve the full load, does she? She is keeping me fed, tolerates me, and is taking care of everything, Who can I complain to?

Fatigue is amazing. Sue tells me this is cumulative. Last time I felt this way was in the middle of Desert Storm - I was in San Antonio at Lackland Air Force Base trying to process old troops returning to active duty to fill spots vacated by troops headed into the comnat zone. I worked days at a time - litterally - and took naps when an hour or two permited. Same fatigue but sleeping long periods, and the sleep does little to help.Focus - a little now and then, like when I first wake-up, than for about an hour, I feel as if I have the flu, nothing more. Then I get tired, lay down, and wake-up 4 hours later. Sigh. I am no help to Sue, just an extra burden. I signed-up to be a husband. I am ashamed.

Sue is such a wonderful mother and wife. I wish I knew why we are travelling this road. Sue deserves much more than this, More than me. Dear God, can you not help me? Both my children will become widow's sons (if you don't recognize the reference, just ignore it.)